Call me vain or call me naive: not too long ago, I carried the foolish belief that our personality and behaviour is something within our conscious control. My make-believe world was inhabited by humans of invincible spirit, carrying heavy shields that were impervious to the force of circumstance.
In prosperity or penury, at times of peace or war, whether surrounded by love or hate or greed or jealously, the human being could always stand tall - in control.
A few years of experience change even our most tightly held beliefs; I now look back and laugh at my younger self. Today, I stop short of saying that we are slaves of Circumstance. We hold our innermost beliefs, but are swayed by what we see, hear, smell, taste or touch.
Like onions, we exist as layers; the innermost rings are made up of core values, the middle rings comprise of thoughts and feelings of those dearest to us, and the outer rings are dependent on the situation we are in: are we wealthy or poor, are we in love or spurned by it, do we live in a place of peace or war, or even if we are busy at work or on a vacation.
Much like peeling an onion, meeting with us has to be an outside-in process. At first, we come across the parts of our behaviour shaped by the circumstance that affects us the most. For example, people change completely when they find love - a sad, tired man can transform into an energetic believer. The world's biggest miser may splurge on a vacation when he or she gets a new job. A happy young girl becomes distrustful when her boyfriend cheats on her.
Accidents and sudden changes in fortune can, therefore, have an immediate bearing on the face we show the world. However, someone closer to us - close friends and family - can tell that we haven't changed so much. That is because they have access to the inner, middle layers - which have been carefully nurtured through constant contact and communication with these very same people. These middle layers are less susceptible to change, and perhaps we can recognise these portions of ourselves when we look at ourselves in a 10-year old photograph.
Our innermost layers are often secret. Most of us wouldn't be able to articulate these - as they are seldom stated; we don't practice communicating these "core values". Why don't we state them to our closest friends and family? Because we don't want to upset them, or establish a stark difference of opinion.
These values are stable, and transform gradually over the span of a lifetime. Our deepest selves don't transform as fast as the layers surrounding them. This often causes pain, suffering or self-loathing, when they is a deep disconnect between "who we are" and "what we seem to be". Happier are those who can keep their layers in sync.
In prosperity or penury, at times of peace or war, whether surrounded by love or hate or greed or jealously, the human being could always stand tall - in control.
A few years of experience change even our most tightly held beliefs; I now look back and laugh at my younger self. Today, I stop short of saying that we are slaves of Circumstance. We hold our innermost beliefs, but are swayed by what we see, hear, smell, taste or touch.
Like onions, we exist as layers; the innermost rings are made up of core values, the middle rings comprise of thoughts and feelings of those dearest to us, and the outer rings are dependent on the situation we are in: are we wealthy or poor, are we in love or spurned by it, do we live in a place of peace or war, or even if we are busy at work or on a vacation.
Much like peeling an onion, meeting with us has to be an outside-in process. At first, we come across the parts of our behaviour shaped by the circumstance that affects us the most. For example, people change completely when they find love - a sad, tired man can transform into an energetic believer. The world's biggest miser may splurge on a vacation when he or she gets a new job. A happy young girl becomes distrustful when her boyfriend cheats on her.
Accidents and sudden changes in fortune can, therefore, have an immediate bearing on the face we show the world. However, someone closer to us - close friends and family - can tell that we haven't changed so much. That is because they have access to the inner, middle layers - which have been carefully nurtured through constant contact and communication with these very same people. These middle layers are less susceptible to change, and perhaps we can recognise these portions of ourselves when we look at ourselves in a 10-year old photograph.
Our innermost layers are often secret. Most of us wouldn't be able to articulate these - as they are seldom stated; we don't practice communicating these "core values". Why don't we state them to our closest friends and family? Because we don't want to upset them, or establish a stark difference of opinion.
These values are stable, and transform gradually over the span of a lifetime. Our deepest selves don't transform as fast as the layers surrounding them. This often causes pain, suffering or self-loathing, when they is a deep disconnect between "who we are" and "what we seem to be". Happier are those who can keep their layers in sync.
